NYMPHE: Childless, Childfree, Parent, Stepmom.

I'M STILL GOING TO EASTER ISLAND. I LEAVE AT 5 A.M.

(warning to childless people who've sought out this blog: the following post contains "ments" of sorts, discussing my crossover to biological parenthood.)

I'm heading to Easter Island tomorrow. Rapa Nui. Isla de la Pascua. Or, as the Polynesians there call it, Te Pito o Te Henua, "the navel of the world." I will be doing a performative ritual on my 41st birthday, as part of the Easter Island Project.

The biological clock and deep grief over biological childlessness inspired me to start the Easter Island Project in early 2007. As recounted on this blog and on the radio and such, for me the experience was traumatic, horrifically painful, and yet incredibly educational. That which does not kill us makes us stronger, right?

It brought up many philosophical questions for me, especially ones about why we create, why we exist, and how we make meaning in our lives.

having grief in one area of life doesn't snuff out all fulfillment in other areas of life.

A childfree by choice woman named May just posted some cool comments and questions on an older post, and got me off & running again about the childless/childfree/motherhood/fulfillment tangle. Read her post and my absurdly lengthly replies right here on yr local Nymphe blog.

a few highlights: maybe we become some kind of yogi-type spiritual warriors by denying our bodily desires to such an extent, like monks. who knows.

i don't imagine this (level of daily grief) will be a permanent feeling.  (it's already been changing and getting better...)

in terms of grief, it's very different to other griefs i've experienced and/or watched others go through.

i do live a fulfilling life, always have. but i am not fulfilling what my body, my dna, and my hormones believe to be my Biological Destiny. that's a huge struggle.

it's like talking to someone who believes in angels or that God wants them to wear a veil all the time or that aliens are controlling them despite the tin-foil-lined hat they're wearing: fascinating but utterly, well, alien to me. UNTIL i experienced it.

i was probably worst off around age 37-38. if that hadn't improved somewhat, and if i hadn't found ways to manage the grief and connect with others going through similar grief, well, i'm not sure i'd be here today.

imagine you're on a chain, in a river, like the Greeks' Tantalus. you're starving and you're thirsty. somehow, your body keeps going despite the fact that you never get food or water. every time you bend to drink, the chain stops you. there's a fragrant orange tree right overhead. you can't reach the orange, however many times you try. maybe someone upriver is BBQing a steak. for infertile people, the chain may seem irrevocable. but many of us fall somewhere along a wide spectrum of childlessness/childfree life. we DECIDE not to drink the water or eat the orange, for the sake of the child, our marriages, our health, the planet, or other reasons. can you imagine that? standing in a river, your body insisting that you are dying of thirst, and not drinking? well, that's what this feels like.

part of why i want to tell my story is that i think younger women should be aware that however solid they are in their childfree decision, they may get their asses completely kicked by the bioclock later on. (yes, i'm willing to get dogpiled, as i have on other forums, for daring to say this.)

on childless women not being womanly: is Lauren Hutton unwomanly: Oprah? Simone de Beauvoir, Frida Kahlo? Ella Fitzgerald? Julia Child? yeah, didn't think so.

nature is another matter altogether. there are some animals and plants out there who replicate without breeding, but not generally a cuddly bunch. going through this, i suddenly felt alienated from nature itself.

to comment -= please read the original thread right here on yr local Nymphe blog and add your comment there.

PARTICIPATE: ART, WRITING, & PERFORMANCE INSPIRED BY THE CHILDLESS EXPERIENCE

  

TIFFANY LEE BROWN: 
THE EASTER ISLAND PROJECT

We are compelled to create—to make, write, act, and give birth. How do we manifest this deep desire? How do our creations—novels, babies, and atom bombs—affect our lives, our culture, and our planet?

The Easter Island Project invites audiences to explore the questions through the act of creation itself with Plazm editor and 2GQ director Tiffany Lee Brown, as she prepares for an interdisciplinary art expedition to Easter Island in the South Pacific. 

Inspired by Tiffany's investigation into biological childlessness in contemporary American culture, the Easter Island Project is an ongoing participatory art and performance work. Participants and audience members "seed" the project by generously contributing their own creativity in person, online, and through the mail.  

Want to participate, or come to a live event? Please email easterislandproject@gmail.com . Details will be updated throughout the year at 2GQ.org.

UPCOMING EVENTS: Seattle, Portland, Arizona, San Francisco Bay Area, New York City, and Rapa Nui, Chile.