BOOKS: MINI-REVIEWS

CHILDLESS AND CHILDFREE ISSUES: NONFICTION BOOKS

* Recommended

by Tiffany Lee Brown
Updates and new works will appear on the Nymphe blog.

Bartlett, Jane. Will You Be Mother? Women Who Choose to Say No. New York: New York University Press, 1994. Another book largely cheerleading the minority of women who choose to be childfree, drawing from fifty interviews and following the usual self-help format.

*Burkitt, Elinor. The Baby Boon: How Family-Friendly America Cheats the Childless. New York: Free Press/Simon & Schuster, 2000.
The author's shrill, finger-pointing attitude makes this book as irritating as any other social indictment written by an oppressed minority. But, like other works that identify discrimination--of women, gays, racial minorities, etc.--The Baby Boon was very instrumental to raising political consciousness and is worth a read.

**Cain, Madelyn. The Childless Revolution. New York: Da Capo, 2002.
One of the best books I've found in this genre, The Childless Revolution finds a devoted mother exploring the sociopolitical and personal realities of childless and childfree living in the United States today; her subjects, however, are weighted toward the unintentionally childless rather than women who are childless by choice. The childless are discriminated against in government, workplaces, the tax structure, and within families and among friends, shown here without rancor or self-righteousness. A bout with infertility heightened Cain's awareness of the silent childless minority, and she followed through on this research even after crossing over into the “mommy club.” An excellent introduction, accessible even to the many closed-minded parents out there who react defensively to any discussion of this issue.

Casey, Terri. Pride and Joy: The Lives and Passions of Women Without Children. Hillsboro, Oregon: Beyond Words, 1998.
Twenty-five real women tell their own stories about living childfree, hoping to offer “validation, community,” and “inspiration” as well as “insight” for the loved ones of childfree women. The uniformity of the women's voices leads me to believe their stories were heavily edited; the results range from ponderous to cheerleading-the-childless, but these stories do debunk some stereotypes of childless women.

Domar, Alice D. and Kelly, Alice Lesch. Conquering Infertility: Dr. Alice Domar's Mind/Body Guide to Enhancing Fertility and Coping with Infertility. New York: Penguin, 2002.
Like many infertility-focused self-help books, Domar's advice arrives couched in comforting, somewhat condescending language; she waffles between recommendations for increasing fertility and shoring up the concept of childless living (on a “path toward a rich, full, happy life”). However, the book does present useful techniques for coping with the rest of life while dealing with infertility or childlessness.

*Ireland, Mardy S. Reconceiving Women: Separating Motherhood from Female Identity. New York: Guilford Press, 1993.
Well-written, smart exploration of feminist issues written by a clinical psychologist. Includes excerpts from interviews with over one hundred childless women from various ethnic and educational backgrounds.

Jaffe, Janet with Diamond, Martha Ourieff and Diamond, David J. Unsung Lullabies: Understanding and Coping with Infertility. New York: St. Martin's, 2005.
A straight-up how-to book, Unsung Lullabies offers practical advice and quick-fix mini-explorations into important issues facing the childless and/or infertile. The annoying writing style typical of self-help books is used in force, so don't worry: you won't need to have a dictionary nearby.

*Lafayette, Leslie. Why Don't You Have Kids? Living a Full Life Without Parenthood. New York: Kensington, 1995.
The founder of the ChildFree Network brings intelligence to the inescapable self-help format. Of course there are the usual interviews and real-life examples, but Lafayette's personal explorations are strong and analytical.

*Leibovich, Lori and Salon.com. Maybe Baby. New York: Harpercollins, 2006.
Thoughtful, eye-opening essays from 28 well-known writers, including Rick Moody and Anne Lamott, divided into three categories: those contemplating parenthood and so far choosing “no,” those on the fence, and those who've chosen “yes.” Not recommended for those in the active, painful, acute stages of grief over childlessness; this book contains too many detailed, heartbreaking reminders of what you're missing.

*Lisle, Laurie: Without Child: Challenging the Stigma of Childlessness. New York: Routledge, 1996.
Writing a feminist work with an encouraging, accessible tone, Lisle combines historical research with her own story; for example, she discusses the role of the “maiden aunt” in 19th century America or the relationship between Anaïs Nin and Henry Miller. She captures the pain of ambivalence and traces cultural values that encouraged women to feel like they had to (still have to?) choose between art/career/worldly matters and motherhood. Good stuff.

**Peacock, Molly: Paradise, Piece by Piece. New York: Riverhead/Penguin, 1998.
This beautifully written, poignant memoir pulls no punches and holds up well as an absorbing work of nonfiction, to be enjoyed by appreciative readers regardless of their parental status or interest in childfree/childless issues. Peacock is a noted poet who decided, for very complex and often rather stark reasons, not to have children. Far from childfree cheerleading, Paradise is nonetheless a powerful story affirming the value and validity of a woman's right to choose whether to reproduce.

Ratner, Rochelle, ed.: Bearing Life: Women's Writings on Childlessness. New York: The Feminist Press/City University, 2001.
Using essay, memoir, creative nonfiction, fiction, and poetry, myriad women explore life without babies, discussing abortion, childfree choice, loss, and women's identities as mothers. Excerpts from other books figure prominently. The inclusion of such impressive names as Grace Paley, Molly Peacock, Margaret Atwood, Joyce Carol Oates, and Amy Tan kicks Bearing Life up a few notches compared to similar anthologies, but its scattershot, everything-including-the-kitchen-sink approach lacks focus.

Safer, Jeanne: Beyond Motherhood: Choosing a Life Without Children. New York: Pocket Books/Simon & Schuster, 1996.
Safer weaves tales of her personal life and family life with those of childless and childfree women she interviewed. With a self-help tone, this psychoanalyst offers perspective but isn't the most mellifluous writer.

*Scott, Laura S.: Two is Enough: A Couple's Guide to Living Childless by Choice. Berkeley: Seal Press, 2009.
Interviews with couples choosing not to procreate, along with Scott's own perspective on being a childfree/childless woman. She includes some social analysis and some results from a survey she conducted online; unfortunately, the survey did not strike me as hefty enough to warrant the frequency with which she refers to it. This would be a good book for someone starting off on the path of self-identifying as childless by choice and navigating the peculiar social and familial expectations and problems that come along with that choice. My longer review is here.

Shawne, Jennifer L.: Baby Not on Board: A Celebration of Life Without Kids. San Francisco: Chronicle, 2005.
Though it's cheaper to troll the Internet for hyped-up childfree snark, here you can purchase such writing with cute illustrations added in. Not on Board, while trying to lightheartedly disrespect parents and parenting, unfortunately paints childfree women with a familiar, discriminatory brush, from the short-skirted champagne-swiller on the front cover to the back page's author photo of Shawne with her cat.

NOTES FROM "CHILDLESS BY MARRIAGE"

See also: Sue Lick's Childless by Marriage blog. Here's a summary of some of her observations. I encourage you to read Sue's page if you're interested in more detail.

Nobody's Mother: Life Without Kids, Lynne Van Luven, editor, Touchwood Editions, 2006. Canadian anthology written by women who are childless "through infertility, marrying men who didn't want children, by waiting too long, or by straightforward choice." Sue praises the book's lack of bitterness against parents or what some childfree people call "breeders."

After the Rice by Wendy French, Tom Doherty Associates, LLC: 2006. "Wendy has a light, easy style that makes her novels so fun to read," says Sue of Wendy French, who has penned a book about someone who waited.

What, No Baby? Why Women are losing the freedom to mother and how they can get it back by Leslie Cannold, Curtain University Books, 2005. "Cannold looks at the issue of 'circumstantial childlessness' in Australia and the United States, focusing on societal causes, the family-work conflict, and the difficulty in finding men who are willing to father." Sue recommends this one.

I Want a Baby, He Doesn't by Donna Wade, with Liberty Kovacas, Ph.D., M.F.T.  Adams Media, 2005. "It is essentially a how-to for couples trying to reach agreement on the issue of having children," Sue says.

I Will Bear This Scar, edited by Marietta W. Bratton, iUniverse, 2005. Poetry by childless women.

Do I Want to Be a Mom? A Woman's Guide to the Decision of a Lifetime by Diana L. Dell, MD and Suzan Erem, McGraw-Hill, 2003. To quote Sue: "Using her expertise as an obstetrician-gynecologist and psychiatrist, Dell covers the various aspects of the parenting decision." She isn't overly impressed by the book's depth, or lack thereof.

Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children by Sylvia Ann Hewlett, Miramax Books, 2002. Sue's description sounds thumbs-up on this one. The title sounds like it explains the content pretty darned well.

Baby Hunger by Sylvia Ann Hewlett, Atlantic Books, 2002. Personally, I'm disgusted by the title, but according to Sue this book contains solid, statistical information about professionals and career women navigating the realities of potential motherhood in the world internationally.

Cheerfully Childless: The Humor Book for Those Who Hesitate to Procreate by Ellen Metter and Loretta Gomez, Browser Press, 2001. Sue found this a fun little book of jokes with a nicely lighthearted touch. I regret to say that I couldn't stomach it! To each her own...

Families of Two by Laura Carroll, Xlibris, 2000. Carroll interviews couples who have chosen to remain childfree. "This book is important because it exemplifies an increasingly popular point of view, one that is driving the birth rate downward," Sue elaborates. "However, the 15 couples all look and sound alike."

The Parenthood Decision by Beverly Engel, Main Street Books, 1998. Sue recommends this over a similar book (see Dell, above) detailing this tough decision.

Wanting a Child, edited by Jill Bialosky and Helene Schulman, Farrar, Strauss and Giroux, 1998. "Anyone interested in the topic of childlessness will want to read this book," says Sue. Hm! I'm on it! Better get a copy.

Barren in the Promised Land: Childless Americans and the Pursuit of Happiness by Elaine Tyler May, Harvard University Press, 1995. An academic, historical tome, according to Sue, that brings us up to date until the mid 1990s.

Unwomanly Conduct: The Challenges of Intentional Childlessness by Carolyn M. Morell, Routledge, 1994. From the description, this one sounds like Baby Boomer women being interviewed and uncovering the positive aspects of living childfree.

Dear Barbara, Dear Lynne: The True Story of Two Women in Search of Motherhood by Barbara Shulgold and Lynne Sipiora, Addision-Wesley, 1992. "Like many of the books on childlessness from a decade or two ago, the emphasis is on the tragedy of being unable to conceive and the need to be a mother no matter what it takes," says Sue. Hm!

Childless by Choice: A Feminist Anthology edited by Irene Reti, HerBooks, 1992. This one didn't quite work for me—maybe I need to give it another chance—but Sue found this eclectic anthology engaging.

Childless But Not Barren by Kristen Johnson Ingram, Magnificat Press, 1987. Sue found this one preachy (Christian) and "corny," but found inspiration in it as well.

Childless is Not Less by Vicky Love, Bethany House Publishers, 1984. "Love writes from a fundamentalist Christian viewpoint," Sue begins her review. Closed-minded as I am, that's really all I need to hear! Buh-bye, Vicky Love. (Note to Christian readers: I know you are not all fundies. I have personal issues arising from fundamentalism and its abusive attitudes, so I'm not trying to wag my finger at all Christians...)

Big thanks to Sue and to others who are diligently sharing resources on childlessness and related issues. For the full reviews, including some writings not mentioned here, see Sue Lick's Childless by Marriage blog.