NYMPHE: Childless, Childfree, Parent, Stepmom.

NAVIGATING CHANGE: R.E.'s Christmas miscarriage and decision to remain biologically childfree

"Although procreating was always the agreement between us, it isn’t what is best for our marriage.  People, goals, ideals – they all change.  I’m finding that the only way to sustain a healthy marriage is if you’re able to navigate that change together."

Reader R. E. shared her story for the Nymphe blog (and won a copy of Two Is Enough by Laura S. Scott). Read about R.E.'s re-dedication to her relationship and how she's working through change...

I'M STILL GOING TO EASTER ISLAND. I LEAVE AT 5 A.M.

(warning to childless people who've sought out this blog: the following post contains "ments" of sorts, discussing my crossover to biological parenthood.)

I'm heading to Easter Island tomorrow. Rapa Nui. Isla de la Pascua. Or, as the Polynesians there call it, Te Pito o Te Henua, "the navel of the world." I will be doing a performative ritual on my 41st birthday, as part of the Easter Island Project.

The biological clock and deep grief over biological childlessness inspired me to start the Easter Island Project in early 2007. As recounted on this blog and on the radio and such, for me the experience was traumatic, horrifically painful, and yet incredibly educational. That which does not kill us makes us stronger, right?

It brought up many philosophical questions for me, especially ones about why we create, why we exist, and how we make meaning in our lives.

PREGNANT LADY WANTS EQUAL TREATMENT FOR NON-PARENTS. FILM AT ELEVEN!

the following is extracted from email i sent to a friend today. we'd had a disagreement about child care and parental / maternity leave policies in the workplace, and she sent me a long, thoughtful email stating her position. she believes that all of us should help take care of all our children and our elderly; that there should be a safety net. i agree. she also sees parental leave as a normal life necessity, whereas leave time for other purposes she characterizes as "Me time" or "vacation." and that's where i disagree; also, she didn't like my suggestion that it's unfair to offer preferential treatment to parents and families without offering something similar (such as non-family leave time) to nonparents, and found it whiny to complain about things being "unfair" when "that's just how things are."

so. here goes:

i believe in a social safety net. i believe in education, in creating an environment that enables children to grow and adults to take care of each other --- whether or not we're taking care of people we happen to be blood related to. i also believe that fairness is an OK thing to strive for. the desire to open our minds / consider that other people's situations might deserve a different approach / even consider that our *own* sorrows and unfair treatments might be worthy of better approaches than we've gotten in the past / help people in the future even if there is no totally workable solution today / work toward equality / allow for possibilities that seem alien to us... this desire is what ends up, eventually, bringing about justice and "fairness" for people who are gay, black, Latino, disabled, transgendered, or female.

"that's not fair" vs. "that's just the way things are" is relative...