I just discovered that I'd pre-ordered a copy of the book "Two is Enough: A Couple's Guide to Living Childless by Choice" last fall, before receiving a review copy. That means a brand-spankin'-new copy goes to one of you! Email me one paragraph about the role of intentionally childless people in the culture or subculture you occupy,and you might be a winner. Woo! Send to magdalen23 at gmail.
"Two is Enough" (Seal Press, 2009) features interviews with intentionally childless/childfree couples, including one couple who changed their minds along the way. Most examples tend to shore up the choice to remain childfree, and author Laura S. Scott seems particularly interested in "early articulators" who decided while young that they didn't want to have children, and stuck to that decision later in life.
If you are or have been childless by choice, you'll recognize the social problems faced by these couples, the incredible cluelessness—both benign and aggressive—that the majority of people, those who do or will later reproduce, heap upon the minority, those who don't ever reproduce. Interviewees voice their frustrations and the solutions they've come up with. For example, when Scott asked Jason and Tamara if there were any downsides to their decision not to breed, "the only one they could think of was having to deal with other people's perceptions of them."
Another interviewee, Mario, takes on the bizarre, antiquated belief by the parenting majority that childfree folks are somehow selfish. "The most unfair, I think," he says, "is [the accusation] that we are selfish. Furthermore, in Mexican culture, motherhood is almost a veneration and fatherhood is a must to be considered an adult, so people will not easily accept the childfree status as truth. Instead they will assume there is a fertility problem, or that you are a freaky child hater."
It's a good read, but "Two is Enough" does have its tragic flaw: too much focus on the Childless by Choice Project survey conducted online by the author. The survey consists of 171 self-identifying respondents, many recruited through the organization No Kidding! I took the survey myself, and accidentally ended up taking it twice (Scott had posted a link to it on multiple blogs, and only later did I realize I'd done the exact same survey twice). The questions tended to be leading, and I felt that there wasn't much room in them for my feelings of ambiguity and confusion.
If Scott simply listed the results of the survey and left it at that, it would've been a nice accompaniment to the rest of her book. As it is, she refers to it frequently throughout the text, as though the survey provided hardcore scientific evidence supporting various claims about what childless and childfree people think and feel. With such a small pool of respondents, I believe the survey might not hold up to much scrutiny, and less weight should have been placed on it.
Like most books I've read about this subject, "Two is Enough" is biased and subjective. Scott's point of view is clearly pro-childfree but contains no anti-child or anti-parent hate speech. By exploring how couples can be fulfilled families without a screaming baby on board, she's filled a particular niche in the growing body of childless/childfree literature. I'd recommend "Two is Enough" to childless couples who want more advice and shared stories about dealing with a pro-natalist, parent-oriented world; to childfree people who want to be reassured that they've made the right choice; and to open-minded friends and family members who don't understand why their loved ones aren't popping out grandchildren and nephews for them to play with.
I hope to hear from you and send out a free copy of this book soon.
Comments