HEALING FROM THE GRIEF OF BEING CHILDLESS LEADS ONE WOMAN TO DEATH.

Desperately seeking healthy ways to grieve and move on? You're not alone. The question of motherhood or childlessness, for those of whom it happens to hit hard, can bring about deep grief and existential crisis. "What is the meaning of life?"

Well, we could ask Monty Python, or we could delve in deep and find it, ourselves. Especially if we're with reluctant/unwilling partners, this process can be even lonelier than usual. Or if, like some women (thank goddess not me), we're surrounded by an entire community that has children: what do you do if 100% of your friends are pregnant or have babies, if you live in a small town where family is the only topic of discussion, or if your church promotes procreation (you know my answer on that one, but i can't judge someone else for staying in what i consider a shitty religion; I've heard from more than one person that I'm stupid for staying in a marriage with someone who doesn't want to have kids with me. Takes all kinds.).

If you can get through this harrowing process without flinging yourself off a bridge or, like the characters in the film Raising Arizona, stealing someone's baby, you're already doing great. Hats off to you. But you may find a creeping need for deeper spirituality in your life. I recently did a creativity program that led me to write, in giant capital letters: I AM ANGRY AT GOD, even though, ya know, I don't even believe in God.

I started to see why people, especially around this age, finally throw in the towel on being rational and slide into some religion or other. It's because sometimes things are simply too much for us to bear. If we don't offload some of this on a hopefully benevolent, external spirit or being or god or Godness or universe, if we don't Let It Go (where does it go, exactly, the stuff we're instructed by New Agers to "let go"?)... well, we may not be able to make it through. Or we may become so bitter and twisted that we probably should've jumped off that bridge when the biological clock first smacked us down, because hey, who wants to live life bitter and twisted and sad and grieving and nasty? Not on a hipster-cynic level, but FOR REAL?

One childless stepmom (CSM, in online support parlance) whose partner didn't want more children sought help in a program that was supposed to transform life, mind, and spirit. It sure did. But she didn't live through that process.

Here's the story.

Comments

[anonymous]

Horrifying. Religion is solace for me. I feel for this woman who died and her family.