ABORTION DURING THE BIOLOGICAL CLOCK

"It isn’t very often that you’re called upon to make a decision that you know will affect the rest of your life, a decision that is irrevocable and defining. I chose to end the pregnancy for what I thought were good reasons, chief among them being my boyfriend’s emphatic unwillingness to be a father." —Margaret Gunther in Modern Love

Personally, I've never been pregnant. I may not even be fertile for all I know; however, I'm paranoid about disease and unwanted pregnancy, so I haven't chanced it. But I did notice a change in my attitude during the time (mid thirties) when I finally, very reluctantly, started acknowledging that I might actually want to have a biological child—something I never imagined for myself...

having decided to live childfree many years previous.

One sign that I was changing, whether or not I wanted to: if a period was late, instead of thinking, "Crap, I'd have to get an abortion if I'm pregnant," now I thought, "Whoah, that imagined termination I always figured I'd have in the case of a pregnancy? No way could I do it now. If I got pregnant, I'd keep it."

I wasn't ready for this new me with her new views on such things. I did take it as a sign that this biological clock thing was hugely real. I told my partner about it, too, so that if it came up he wouldn't even ask if I "wanted to keep it."

In the link above, a 34-year-old woman decides to terminate a pregnancy in large part because her boyfriend doesn't want to raise the child... and later finds herself infertile. Augh.

Comments

[anonymous via tiffany lee brown]

Email from a reader who gave me permission to post this anonymously:

"Men must take responsibility on pregnancy. I ask my girlfriend, she says she doesn't want an abortion if she gets pregnant, I use a condom. The article here blames the man without saying why she was pregnant in the first place, it's not fair to him to take all the blame and not fair to her because he didn't tell her early on that an accidental pregnancy means abortion or breakup."

[Alison]

I think men should find women who don't want children if they feel like this man did.Some women don't want kids, so guys should do the right thing and pick a lady who says that she is not hoping to conceive in the near future.Don't waste her time and make her sweat, I do not think that is love.Hearing that ticking clock all the time for such women and the yearning that their partner will change his mind is hellish.

[Lynn Ray]

It's hard because people feel uncomfortable talking about seirous issues early on in a relationship or when they are being shallow with the relationship like the man in this article. You could get pregnant on the third date yet how likely are you to say "What shold we do if I get pregnant?" on the third date.