NYMPHE: Living Childless & Child-free

Oregon's Pregnancy/Crime Law

If you kill a pregnant woman, should you receive a different prison sentence than if you kill a non-pregnant woman?

Suppose, as the new Oregon law dictates, you should indeed get a harsher sentence for killing the pregnant woman.

What does this mean?

Does it mean that the embryo-foetus-"child" within is a separate person you can murder, thus increasing your prison sentence? If that's the case, should women be tried for murder when they have miscarriages or abortions?

Does it mean that pregnant women are more worthy of protection by the law than are non-pregnant women and men? If that's the case, do we approve of this discrimination against the non-pregnant?

How could a law that sounds so reasonable start unraveling so quickly once exposed to a few questions?

GOOGLE STRIKES AGAIN

Google search:
childless   therapist   portland   oregon

first link to pop up:
NYMPHE: Living Childless & Child-free
Childless or childfree? Women as mothers, as notmothers, as artists and writers. ... KOIN-TV in Portland, Oregon, reports that a restaurant in Silverton, ...
magdalen.blogs.com/nymphe/ - Cached - Similar -

so yes,
in my attempt to find a therapist in my town who is actually a biologically childless/childfree woman herself, who might be able to discuss these issues with me from a notmother/nonparent/nullipara's point of view, what Google found me was this:

my own fucking blog.

AAAAAAUGGGGGH!

Easter Island Project: links

I've been on the road with the Easter Island Project, so I haven't had much time to post here.

The weirdness and intensity that is the onslaught of the biological clock continues, though every day I reconfirm my choice to remain childless/childfree. I will say this: at age 40, it is still difficult, especially practicing 'selective avoidance' enough to stay sane. However, the level of tormented grief I experienced a few years ago has definitely subsided. I feel there is hope.

So anyway: I posted a couple photos from the Portland and Seattle sessions on 2GQ.org if you're interested. Lots more fun stuff to come as I sort through all the photos, videos, and "seeds" I'm taking to Easter Island. (If you missed my spam: the project arose out of my interest in childlessness/childfree living, and the petri dish of overpopulation that Easter Island's history provides.)

Join the email list at New Oregon Arts & Letters, the presenter of the project, if you want updates. You'll also receive the occasional announcement about other projects the organization sponsors. 

GOOGLE RESULTS:

No results found for "cure for the biological clock"

Bay Area Tonight: join me for writing, chatting, artmaking...

... at Myrtle Street Review headquarters in West Oakland, April 18. Read on for details.

Hang out, see some in-progress video that arises from my work in childlessness, and if you want to, make something for the Easter Island Project. You don't have to be "a writer" or "an artist" to dive in and have some fun with it!

Image: a "seed" made for the project by K. T. for the Seattle Studio Current session.

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A PENIS."

I'm just quoting Isabella Rossellini in "Green Porno 2: Starfish." No, this isn't porn per se. It's just really cool and involves puppets. See the video free at Sundance Channel. The limpet section is cool, too. Well, all of 'em are.

I'm reminded of how my childhood learning, from fairy stories to educational films, revolved around reproduction so much...

PRIVACY POLICY, COPYRIGHT POLICY, ETC.

TypePad have asked us bloggers to clarify our privacy policies. Here's the Nymphe one, along with information about copyrights and how we'd like you to be nice about it if you steal our words, photos, or ideas. (This policy statement itself is borrowed from 2GQ.org.)

"THE KITCHEN SINK" on EXHALE

Exhale, the online magazine "for intelligent people" dealing with issues having to do with childlessness, losing a child, infertility, and the like, has given my piece "The Kitchen Sink" its ArtEx Award.

Read it at exhalezine.com.

PAID FAMILY LEAVE: COMPASSIONATE OR DISCRIMINATORY?

if you want to have a baby, you should be able to take three months off work to have a baby.

if you want to write a book of poetry, you should be able to take three months off work to write a book of poetry.

i recently joined in a conversation on Oregonlive.com, the online companion to our local newspaper, The Oregonian. (the above bits are from my responses.) In an Op-Ed piece, Elizabeth Hovde argued against a proposal for a paid family leave law in Oregon. As Hovde put it, "While granting paid leave for important life events sounds like a nice idea, it's odd to charge all employees—regardless of their means or income—so other employees can take several weeks off work."

Oregonian article on working with childlessness

 

hello nimfee readers --- over the weekend, the Sunday Oregonian ran an article about my writing and artwork inspired by childlessness. it's now online at oregonlive.com , complete with the usual array of ranting internet bullies who didn't appear to have actually read the article before they started dissing me, infertile women, etc etc. ah well. i think we all get a little ranty and whiny online sometimes, eh?

motoya nakamura took the photo i've reproduced here... this is a small sculpture that someone offered to the Easter Island Project as a "seed" during the Port Townsend "Seeding Easter Island" performance. i don't know who made it. (it's cool - the little acorn in the middle swings around - kinetic sculpture.)

people interested in participating in the project: please email me at easterislandproject (at) gmail.com for details, dates, etc. thanks!

also: that awesome green hooded shrug i'm wearing in the Oregonian photos was created for me by the awesome Portland designer Holly Stalder  using a silk and gold-thread scarf given to me at the wedding of my friends David and Rathna in Madras/Chennai, India.  

MORE ON "DEEP GRIEF"

"this may sound harsh, but i've seen moms whose only connection to life was their children. and that is not fair to children." that's part of my reply to a comment here on Nymphe about "deep grief." for some reason, the blogging software isn't allowing me to post a comment to respond... so i'm putting the comment here. madeline, i wish you the best and i hope you find that connection you crave. you are not alone. you are not alone. you are not alone.

(there's more if you want to keep reading this post...)

PARTICIPATE: ART, WRITING, & PERFORMANCE INSPIRED BY THE CHILDLESS EXPERIENCE

  

TIFFANY LEE BROWN: 
THE EASTER ISLAND PROJECT

We are compelled to create—to make, write, act, and give birth. How do we manifest this deep desire? How do our creations—novels, babies, and atom bombs—affect our lives, our culture, and our planet?

The Easter Island Project invites audiences to explore the questions through the act of creation itself with Plazm editor and 2GQ director Tiffany Lee Brown, as she prepares for an interdisciplinary art expedition to Easter Island in the South Pacific. 

Inspired by Tiffany's investigation into biological childlessness in contemporary American culture, the Easter Island Project is an ongoing participatory art and performance work. Participants and audience members "seed" the project by generously contributing their own creativity in person, online, and through the mail.  

Want to participate, or come to a live event? Please email easterislandproject@gmail.com . Details will be updated throughout the year at 2GQ.org.

UPCOMING EVENTS: Seattle, Portland, Arizona, San Francisco Bay Area, New York City, and Rapa Nui, Chile.

THANK YOU.

Since starting the Nymphe blog, performing "House Bound," and writing "The Bubble of Silence: Are some topics, such as childlessness, unfit for polite conversation?" for Oregon Humanities magazine, I've begun to receive support and feedback from women in my situation and from many others as well. Thank you.

As a lot of you know, dealing with the grief of childlessness can make us feel horribly alone and misunderstood, sometimes obsessed with feelings and intense desires that other people seem to find abstract, odd, or perhaps selfish. And as some of you also know, being an artist or a writer or a blogger can feel similar, like we're spewing our souls into a vast, oxygenless galaxy, hoping another astronaut might drift by and wave hello. Thank you.

So I'm grateful. I'm grateful for the cards you've sent to me c/o the Plazm and 2GQ post office box. Grateful for the many emails and Facebook messages. Grateful, too, when you choose to speak up and post comments to this blog. For such a socially uncomfortable issue, childlessness apparently affects a heckuva lot of people. We know one thing, at least: we are not alone.

Thank you.

BABY DADDIES IN THE MOVIES

A recent post on Tasty Lil' Things blog featured this movie trailer. Coming from the biologically "childless by marriage" camp, I was interested in seeing a male character try to convince his lady that they should have kids—partly to save their marriage. Whether the film Not Easily Broken turns out to be worth watching, it's at least a gender twist on the more familiar formulas of She's Having a Baby, Baby Mama, Juno, Knocked Up, and, oh, about fourteen thousand other movies. Do "fertility films" serve a feminist function or are they just the latest delivery method (so to speak) for a "sunset-and-rainbows kind of Hollywood schmaltz", as suggested by Alissa Quart in Mother Jones?

TAROT READING FUNDRAISER: ARTWORK INSPIRED BY CHILDLESSNESS

dear people of the world & beyond:

wouldn't you or one of your loved ones simply adore getting a genuine, proper Tarot reading as a gift? why yes, you would! my psychic powers predict it.

readings may be redeemed in person or over the phone. please see seedcake.etsy.com for more info & to purchase your gift certificate. let the mystical mayhem begin!

i've been reading Tarot for nearly two decades, have written about Tarot and other oracles for publication, and i am the creator of the Burning Tarot deck.

the Easter Island Project is an ongoing work inspired by my personal experience and subsequent research into childlessness in our culture. all Tarot proceeds benefit the non-profit arts and literary organization 2GQ—specifically, computer related expenses—and The Easter Island Project—specifically, expenses for related travels to San Francisco, Seattle, and of course, Easter Island, Chile, in the South Pacific. non-financial support is also welcome.

xo and thank you...

miss magdalen

PS: and i've lately been recruited to do parties with this, too. great fun.

ON CHILDLESSNESS: LARA OWEN part 2

It turns out Lara Owen and I blogged each other simultaneously... Thank you, Lara.

Lara's blog entry on childlessness appears here, along with kind words about my Oregon Humanities essay: laraowen.com.

Lara Owen is the UK and France based author of "Her Blood is Gold," soon to be reprinted in its third edition. She's also a whizz-bang astrologer!

ON CHILDLESS GRIEF: ZEN MOMENTS IN FRANCE

My writing group friend Lara Owen published an excellent story about interacting with childless/childfree women in France. Read it at Zenmoments.org.

"THE BUBBLE OF SILENCE" in OREGON HUMANITIES MAGAZINE

"The Bubble of Silence" addresses how difficult it is to discuss the grief of childlessness in everyday life, and explains a little of what we go through as grieving childless women, whether due to infertility or other issues.

the article appears in the new issue of Oregon Humanities magazine, the civility issue. i believe that sample issues are available free via oregonhumanities.org - click on "publications."

THE GRIEVING CHILDLESS: ARE WE FROM ANOTHER PLANET?

i'm beginning to think that whatever anyone says about childlessness-related grief (whether they are childless/childfree by some choice of their own, like me, or infertile), no one is going to understand except people who've gone through it. it's like explaining an orgasm to someone who's never had one, or hunger to someone who's never wanted food. it probably sounds like those of us experiencing this grief are from another planet.

the above is part of an exchange i had with a commenter named Sarah. i thought her questions were interesting... if you click "continue", you can read the conversation.

CHILDLESS/CHILDFREE BOOKS REVIEWED

I've written up mini-reviews of various books on childlessness, childfree living, and infertility. Check them out here.

WHEN IS BLOOD A MISCARRIAGE?

Alicia Shvarts caused a veritable shytestorm at Yale with a performance art piece that dealt with repeated, self-induced, so-called miscarriages.

The Associated Press reports that the work was an intentional hoax here. The Yale newspaper published the artist's explanation here.

A quote from Shvarts: "...it is a myth that ovaries and a uterus are “meant” to birth a child. When considering my own bodily form, I recognize its potential as extending beyond its ability to participate in a normative function. While my organs are capable of engaging with the narrative of reproduction — the time-based linkage of discrete events from conception to birth — the realm of capability extends beyond the bounds of that specific narrative chain."

KIDS IN RESTAURANTS, IN THE NEWS IN OREGON

KOIN-TV in Portland, Oregon, reports that a restaurant in Silverton, Oregon, has posted a sign demanding that children behave, and that no children over 6 may dine at the establishment any more. The reporter notes with astonishment that this is "not illegal" at the State level. i can't find a URL for this.

GRIEF ABOUT CHILDLESSNESS? THE SOLUTION:

The solution, as any parent can tell you, is to get involved with someone else's children. AGH.

A childless woman feels uncomfortable and left out when all the women at her regular breakfast event discuss their children and grandchildren at length. Advice columnist Carolyn Hax recommends that the childless woman volunteer with children in need. Read it here (scroll down to second question): washingtonpost.com. To email Carolyn with your thoughts on this issue: tellme@washpost.com.

"Volunteer with Children in Need"

...and other sage advice to the childless from parents.

Today, Carolyn Hax, advice columnist for a syndicated column "Tell Me About It," originating at the Washington Post, printed a letter from a woman who was unable to have children. This woman finds it very difficult to sit through events with women who talk on and on about their kids and grandkids. Hax's advice was that the childless woman should take interest in other people's kids, and "start volunteering your time with children in need."

Holy crap, am I sick of this approach! I wrote in a long letter about ending the silence around childlessness, and about using "selective avoidance" as a way to limit one's grief --- and take control of the situation. The letter follows, for anyone who might be interested.

MADELYN CAIN: THE CHILDLESS REVOLUTION

If you're looking for the standard-issue indignant stance on childfree living, you won't find it here. Nor will you find the sorrow of infertility slowly beaten like a dead horse, surrounded by solemn images of blurry, gauzy women. It's not an upbeat, feel-good book about how cool we childfree women are, replete with comics and putdowns of moms. Nor is it a staunch defense of parenting and childrearing.

from my review of Madelyn Cain's "The Childless Revolution" on Amazon, a book which generated a flurry of surprisingly harsh comments.

Minor Peeve of the Day

Airlines always let my partner or I use one of their big plastic bags as added protection for backpacks and such that we check in. I feel guilty about the environmental factor, but try to reuse the plastic, and I count on the bags being available.

Continental bagged up my backpack on the way to New York recently. Then at Newark on the way back, they refused. "Bags are only for baby carriers and strollers," they say. I ask to speak to someone about it, get to speak to someone, they say the same
thing.

In other words, Continental Airlines grants favours to parents of babies, and by dint of not offering the same services to non-parents, they are discriminating against us. A tiny annoyance, sure, but it reiterates the endless drumming of the cultural message: babies are special and important, parents are special and important, and if you are not a parent with a baby, you are not special and your needs are not important. Yep, I'm a little oversensitive/overaware of these issues now. It's just plain true, though.

HOUSE BOUND: APRIL 13 AT PERFORMANCE WORKS NW

What happens when you get five women artists, writers, performers in one "house" together, in five different "rooms"? In this case, you get an unusually intimate experience through new motherhood, relationships, living solo, and being childless or childfree.

"Kinesthetic salon" delivers unusual, immersive experience of art, food, performance, and installation at Performance Works Northwest on April 13

NEW NEWS: our poster will be on display this week in Zagreb, Croatia, at ZGRAF, an international exhibition for graphic design and visual communication established in 1975. designed by award-winning Plazm art director Josha Berger, it features Emily Stone in a video still from Tiffany Lee Brown's "Home Movie".

Ticket price includes hors d'oeuvres, wine, and tea. Tickets cost $15 in advance or $20 at the door, via Brown Paper Tickets online or by phone at 503 475 2306. Performance Works NW is located at 4625 SE 67th Avenue; various show times occur April 13 at 11 a.m., 12:30 p.m., 2:00, 3:30, and 5:00. "House Bound" is co-presented by 2GQ, a project of the non-profit organization 2 Gyrlz Performative Arts.

For details, keep reading...

BABIES IN COLLEGE: LETTING THOSE WHO PREFER A CHILDFREE LEARNING ENVIRONMENT MAKE THE CHOICE.

I attend an MFA program at Goddard College, which follows a unique vision of community, progressive self-directed education, responsibility to social change, and low-residency learning. This means we come together for 8 days, twice a year, for an intense, 12-hour daily schedule of workshops, faculty advising groups, graduate seminars, and the like. Then we return to our home communities and practice art there; we read books and write papers and send in documentation of our artwork.

I recently became aware that official policy allows babies in the entire learning environment, including classes. While I question the wisdom of that decision for many reasons, I'm willing to go along with it. What I'd like to see is a strong statement about the policy in all the recruitment and marketing materials for this program. People who choose not to study in the company of babies should have the right to do so, and it shouldn't be buried in the fine print.

I recently sent a version of the letter below to our student affairs coordinator, and posted it to the online community for the program I attend (MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts at Centrum/Port Townsend, Washington).

ALONENESS, UNFEMINIST LOSERS, RADICAL ACCEPTANCE...

this post is a continuation of my response to jill's comment here on the site, a comment on the post "Deep Grief."

in my case the seriously ALONE parts are not alleviated by childfree and childless friends, by fantastic family members, etc etc. i have a strong penchant for spending time alone, writing, walking in nature, travelling. i have counseling and couples counseling. i have sympathetic friends and family. i do have all those things, yet i still have hours of either numbingly or hideously painful emptiness and aloneness, directly related to The Baby Issue. so maybe it isn't about having childless friends and a strong family network. maybe it's just that this phenomenon is fundamentally solitary, lonely, alone, and empty. maybe we just have to barrel through it -- alone.

before i'd gone through the emptiness myself, i would read or hear complaints of that nature and i'd think, "Gosh! Get a life!" or something equally compassionate. okay, maybe i wouldn't be that harsh, but i would still have a secret feeling that the woman who feels empty without children just doesn't have enough going on. why isn't she passionate about music or mountain biking? if she cares so much...

BETTER BABYMAKING THROUGH CHEMISTRY

And now for something completely different...

In the latest eugenics -- er, I mean, compassionate parenting -- news, scientists have managed to get three people's DNA into one baby, bypassing any yucky, disease-causing genes.

On the plus side, this sort of thing might help people "pass on their genes" without each and every one procreating. It could solve some overpopulation difficulties.

Or maybe it's just plain weird.

UPDATE, Feb '08: CHILDLESS & CHILDFREE WOMEN IN CONTEMPORARY LANGUAGE

UPDATE, Feb 4 2008: I find "nonparent," referring to a British organisation, in the book "Pride & Joy: The Lives and Passions of Women Without Children" by Terri Casey, and "unparents" in the book "Baby Not On Board: A Celebration of Life Without Kids" by Jennifer L. Shawne.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE:

Inadequate language exists in mainstream English to describe the cultural role and identity of women who go through life without procreating biologically. What few descriptors we have available to us are negative, and they tend to describe us in terms of what we are not, what we don't have, what we don't do: from the ever-charming "barren" through to the somewhat neutral yet pity-invoking "childless," and onward to the more contemporary "child-free" aka "childfree." I am on a search for more interesting language that doesn't come loaded with baggage.

Read on to plow through barren, infertile, childless, childfree, free woman, nymphe, notmother...

CREATING EXPERIENCE

CREATING EXPERIENCE is what I do as an artist. It is what my  "character" does for the audience in our new Works Corps piece, "House Bound." And it is, ultimately, what mothers do; what many women (including myself) are acculturated to do.

When we could have been learning how to be tough, how to do math, how to light G.I. Joe dolls on fire like our brothers were doing, many of us were learning how to make people feel better by feeding them, by making their environment beautiful or comfortable, by tucking a special note into their lunchbox.

If you do not have a biological child for whom to create experiences, shape spaces, modify home environments, and expand learning immersions; if you do not have a child to feed and to nurture, what then? Perhaps you transcend these urges and attend to the matters at hand which are generally considered important by society: being tough, doing math, lighting fires. But perhaps you displace these maternal urges onto adopted children, onto members of your community, people on your team at work, even feral cats. Perhaps you transfer them to audiences. Perhaps you become an artist, seeking to serve, feed, nurture, and create experience for complete strangers.

TRANSCENDING DATED FEMALE ARCHETYPES & CONTEMPORARY, BUT EQUALLY LIMITING, SIMPLISTIC ROLES

Welcome to the patriarchy. Your job is to be a virtuous, virginal maiden, and then start pumping out heirs for a guy you marry. The feminine archetypes you may occupy are: maiden, mother, crone, and if you are terribly naughty, whore.

Sound limiting? Yeah, well, that's pretty much what we've been offered for centuries. Nowadays, we have more options, but we try to limit each other by slapping simplistic labels on each other. Wander around on Internet sites related to childless, childfree, infertility issues, and parenting, and you might actually *prefer* sticking to maiden, mother, whore. The simplistic, foaming invective posted on many sites sets up incredibly claustrophobic, two-dimensional roles and opportunities for stifling self-definition.

Do you experience regret, sometimes, about not having a baby? Well, you must be a "wannabe breeder troll." Have you had to take up an unpopular, defensive position to explain to the world why you don't want to have kids? OK, you're "childless by choice" and you'd better be happy about it 100% of the time, preferably while talking about what horrible little shits all children are (and goddess forbid you should ever let a crack show in that armour -- no moments of regret, doubt, or wondering what your kids would have looked like). Are you a biological mother? Then by all means, you must be perfectly happy about it, have no ability to put yourself in the shoes of childless people, and sheesh, better not reveal any pain, regret, or self-doubt about your decision to be a parent!

If you click through below, you'll see a comment written in response to Sue Lick's "Childless by Marriage" blog post, in which she describes how women on a nonparenting blog called Selfish Heathens called her a "wannabe breeder troll." Isn't is amazing how the Internet brings out the very best in people? I've been geeking out online since 1992, and I still manage to be amazed by people's lack of empathy, curiosity, and originality. On the other hand, Selfish Heathens appears to have some intelligence and humour going on, and, like they say, if you don't like their over-the-top, self-styled attitude, go find a "happy fluffy bunny" childfree site to visit. Well okay then.

SOME DAYS IT's OKAY.

Like today. Sunny. Cold -- what passes for insanely frigid here in mellow Portland. Things to do, people to see. New mothers to hang out with, too.

My friend came over with her baby, and we talked and drank coffee and munched on Blanxarts chocolate. She is feeling the loneliness of motherhood, of her new role in the world, always in the company of a wee one who cannot speak, who can only need. I am feeling the loneliness of notmotherhood, of understanding that going through grief is a solitary process, even if you can compare notes with other mourners about their private, separate grief along the way.

We talked about the weird roles women get saddled with, about the expectations people have of mothers. Of notmothers, too. I told her about my big long Gestation art project thingy. She told me about wanting to gather people to talk about these things. We both had to acknowledge how, well, *male* the art world is. Many subsets of women artists echo the larger, masculine power structure; I would say I do it myself. We want to engender discussion about creation by women, whether we make art of babies or both.

My friend and I are going to put together a few discussions for dealing with these issues. I love this idea. A new-mom artist and a notmother-artist invite artists, moms, not-moms, and others to sit around and sort out this issue. How do you be a mom and an artist? How do you support mom-artists in a society that has always managed to produce lots of artist-dads while women lurked in the background, doing the dirty work of raising the kids? I loaned her my Karen Finley memoir, too.

Today is also okay because the push and pull of Baby Issues can be hell on a relationship. It's no fun being the one who wants the baby, being torn to shreds trying to accept that there will be no baby. It's also no fun being the one who already has a child from a previous marriage, trying to want a baby, not wanting a baby; knowing you are tearing your fiancee to shreds. But it is fun being in a relationship with someone you love and who loves you. It is fun knowing how lucky you were to find each other and work hard on the relationship together, despite the hugeness of The Baby Issue. It is fun to talk things out. It is fun to have a nice dinner. To have flowers brought to you. To put out dozens of little candles. And, you know, do other fun coupley things.

DEEP GRIEF

The deep grief of childlessness is like a dark secret, a disease no one wants to talk about in case it might infect them.

I go to dinner with the newly pregnant couple and have a good time. I don't come anywhere close to freaking out; it's nice to see them, I like the celery soup. She is cranky and hormonal but hasn't lost her wicked sense of humour; she is having back problems and I, a former Chiropractic Assistant, suggest stretches that might help. I drink a lot of wine. This is something I get to do: drink wine. If I were the pregnant lady, I couldn't drink wine.

For the first time in years, I buy a pack of cigarettes. I ask my partner...

A SNIPPET FROM DIANA ABU-JABER

A friend emailed me this excerpt today.

From Diana Abu-Jaber's _The Language of Baklava_:

"Marry, don't marry," Auntie Aya says as we unfold
layers of dough to make an apple strudel. "Just don't
have your babies unless it's _absolutely necessary_."

... (keep reading...)

A FEW REASONS I MIGHT BE A PARENT:

REASONS I MIGHT BE A PARENT:

* My body and brain and hormones practically forced me to do it.
* I wanted to share the ultimate, biologically creative bond with my partner because I love him/her so much.

* I grew up influenced by TV, family, movies, and books that made childless women out to be mean, selfish, jealous witches (like Snow White's stepmother) or bitter, barren, lonely meddlers (like Aunt Charlotte in "A Room with a View").
* I grew up influenced by a culture that showed mothers as being virtuous, self-sacrificing, strong, and happy (The Brady Bunch, the Virgin Mary).

(continues....)

A FEW REASONS I MIGHT BE CHILDLESS/CHILDFREE

REASONS I MIGHT BE CHILDLESS/CHILDFREE:

* I'm happily child-free, but sometimes I wonder what my child would have been like, or I feel some sadness that I don't have family to share things with.

* I don't have a partner and I don't want to raise a child alone.

* I grew up influenced by TV, family, movies, and books that made childless women out to be fascinating world travellers (Auntie Mame) and excellent writers (Virginia Woolf, Emily Dickinsen, Dorothy Parker).

A FEW REASONS I MIGHT BE PARTLY CHILDLESS AND PARTLY A "PARENT:"

REASONS I MIGHT BE PARTLY CHILDLESS AND PARTLY A "PARENT:"

* I'm  a stepmom, a stepdad, a foster parent.
* I'm an adoptive parent because I couldn't have a biological child.
* I'm an adoptive parent because there are so many children out there who deserve to be raised in a healthy home. I couldn't see bringing another person into this world when there is already so much need.
* I'm an uncle, an aunt, a godmother, a babysitter, a teacher.
* I had a beautiful daughter. She died before her first birthday.

BREEDERS vs. CHILDFREE PEOPLE: CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

I'm troubled by this bullshit idea that the world consists solely of Happy Selfish Breeders and Happily Self-Righteous Childfree By Choice people, and they must fight to the bitter end.

I say this as someone who spent most of her life happily childfree by choice, who wrote articles about child-free/childless living for books and magazines, and who took some flak for it. I also say this as someone who now understands a *little* more about parenting...